My husband and I were working outside this morning on a ‘project’. Over the years we have had lots of ‘projects’-indoors and out. Each one gives me the opportunity to see how good and effective a team we are. I could say that one of us is the brawn and the other the brains, but actually, we are both-BOTH! Brawn and brains. (Although he has WAY more brawn than I; but I do a pretty good job hefting and hauling!) No matter how challenging or surprising any of these projects becomes, Mike never loses patience, smiles and jokes through it all, and definitely sees the positive perspective. His actions encourage me to do the same; and so, we really do keep each other going. This morning as he was working in one area and I in another, I began thinking about our journey together. I was struck with the thought that we really have grown toward each other. I chuckled out loud at the thought. It was a very pleasant thought-considering our history.

Mike and I had a, hmmm-how should I say it?-TUMULTUOUS dating relationship and engagement. You know-on again, off again-should have remained OFF! At one point during our pre-marital counseling, our pastor asked to meet with me alone. At this meeting he advised me to postpone the wedding. He saw what I already knew, but was fighting against. I DID NOT WANT TO BE GETTING MARRIED! And most definitely not to this man at this point in time. I wanted to WANT to get married to him, but it just wasn’t happening for me! But, my pride won out. I knew the invitations had been sent, RSVP’s were coming in, and I had always outwardly come across as a confident and successful person (regardless of what was really happening on the inside). No, I was going to go through with it. So, on my wedding day, standing at the back of the church, waiting for my ‘grand’ entrance, the thought going through my head was something like, “I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to be doing this, etc.” I thought all of this through a clenched-teeth smile as I walked down that aisle with my dad (who, by the way, was smiling quite genuinely, because he and my mom AND my whole family absolutely adored Mike. I’m fairly sure they would have kicked me out of the family and kept him if it came down to that!).

Mike and I got married, but oh wow-we did not live happily ever after. Pretty much from the very beginning we were on a downward spiral. We just didn’t know how low we could go. Our first two children came quite quickly. Katrina was born just days before our first anniversary, and Jessica was born 21 months later. Mike poured himself into work, and I poured myself into our girls. Truly, Mike and I just didn’t know how to work together. We didn’t know how to view conflict as a ‘gift’-like iron sharpening iron-in order to make both of us better people. We certainly didn’t know how to work through conflict. The natural consequences were for us to simply drift apart from each other. We were at the doors of divorce more than once. I won’t go into the nasty details; but they truly are worth telling sometime because of the incredible pit in which Mike and I found ourselves. Really, our entire marriage looked absolutely hopeless and unredeemable! Let’s just say that after many bad choices with dire consequences, we were both done.

God was not.

Through several occurrences that happened to both of us at separate times, we began to see that God was orchestrating something much different than divorce. Eventually both of us knew that we knew that we needed to follow God’s desires above our own. This meant that we needed to make difficult choices based on faith and truth rather than what we were feeling and ‘emoting’ at the time. And these difficult choices needed to be consistent and intentional. Personally, I knew I needed to draw near to God because I desperately needed Him to draw near to me (James 4:8). I also began to see that I needed to draw near to my husband, regardless of how I felt at any particular time. Now, please know that I am not saying that we drew near to each other blindly. We needed to learn how to work together through the conflicts-past, present, and knowing they would come in the future as well. (I also know that there are definitely times when the healthy thing for a person to do is to walk away from a relationship.) I am simply talking about what Mike and I chose to do with each other. What I found is that when two people choose to do the right thing with each other, it also becomes the right thing for each other.

Although all of this happened many years ago, the process of learning how to work together as a team is ongoing. Just as Mike and I have those daily choices to make, so also does everyone else. We can either choose to grow away from one another, or we can choose to grow toward one another. “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8) I love what The Message has to say in James 4:7-10. “So let God work His will in you. Yell a loud ‘no’ to the devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet ‘yes’ to God, and He’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.” Don’t I know it! This is so what I need to remember and do!

Thanks for reading,

Libby